It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
