just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
