You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
