Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize