i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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