he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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