I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
