So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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