i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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