Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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