loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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