Plan B is the new Plan A
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
