i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
