The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
