You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
