1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
