Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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