My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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