i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
