U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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