I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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