Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
