put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
