my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize