I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
