i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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