Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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