WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
