ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
