coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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