What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
