I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We are all done wearing pants today
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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