you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
