I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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