Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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