so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
