worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
