Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
