Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
