I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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