I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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