he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
