who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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