when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
