I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he thought i was a dude.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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