hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just google imaged poop.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
