He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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