im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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