Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
