Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its not stalking. its research.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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