Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
