I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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