He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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