you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
