She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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