I accidentally burped into my bong.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
