Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
