He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
