You can't special order awesome
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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