People with herpes should wear stickers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
