she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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