So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
