my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
