Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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