my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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