just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
