think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
