My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
