Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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