I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
