What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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