I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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