She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
